My Portrait as a Media User

9:00 AM: My Sharper Image “Sonic Boom” alarm clock wakes me up with possibly the most annoying sound in the world, but according to the website from which I purchased it, it is the best alarm clock on the market. Regardless, I curse its existence as I roll over in bed and take my cell phone off its charger. I love my cell phone. It’s perfect. It sends calls and it receives calls. It does not have a camera; it does not have an mp3 player, it’s just a regular, old cell phone. In fact, it’s so old that LG doesn’t make it anymore so I have to buy all of its spare parts on eBay. I could go on a rant about how much I hate new cell phones, but not now. I have one new text message; it looks like the Patriots won last night! It’s a good thing I TiVo’d the game so I can watch it later. TiVo might be the single greatest advancement in television history. I haven’t watched a commercial in two years. But there’s no time for TV now, I need to go to class. I better check my email first, maybe something important was sent to me since the last time I checked at 4:23 AM. Hey, it looks like I can get a low-interest mortgage with instant approval, sweet! I can read about that later, now I need to take my laptop off its docking station and bring it to class. It’s a good thing MIT has campus-wide wi-fi, how else would I be able to instant message my friends over AIM and stay connected between classes? Oh no, I forgot my iPod! I better run back to my house, I can’t walk to class without it. I have, at this moment, 8096 songs on my iPod. My music tastes span everything, from ABBA to ZZ Top; I even like country. The songs on my iPod are very different, yet each and every mp3 shares one key trait: I didn’t pay a dime for any of them! I download all my mp3s using Limewire, a P2P sharing network. Even though I have so much, I wouldn’t dare share any of it for fear of getting caught; I simply draw from other libraries and add to my ever-growing collection...
9:30 AM: Phew, I just made it to class on-time. Now that I’m seated, let me check my email…Mom is wishing me ‘good luck’ on my first day of school. She bought me ‘Madden 07’ for the Xbox 360 from circuitcity.com and I can go and pick it up at any Circuit City store, thanks Mom! Also, according to Facebook, apparently Jeff Harrelson thinks I’m his friend, we’ll see about that. Class is over and I barely paid attention. Oh well, I guess I’ll just get the notes off the ‘stellar’ website…
4:00 PM: Freedom! My last class is over. I better check my email before I walk home. No news is good news, I always say. Once I get home I’m going to play ‘Need for Speed’ on the Xbox 360. Racing games are fun, but racing games on my 56” HDTV with surround sound are an entirely different experience. I can actually hear the cars coming up behind me, though it doesn’t happen often because I’m a pretty good driver, I mean, I do drive in Boston…
8:00 PM: Wow, I totally smoked that guy in a race, I better check my email. It looks like I have a lot of messages to attend to. After that, I need to make some trades in my two fantasy football leagues. I guess that essay I’m supposed to write will have to wait until later, because if I don’t get Terrell Owens on my team, I’m doomed…
4:23 AM: Spell-check just finished; I’ll re-read my paper in the morning. I’m pretty tired; I think I should go to bed. Let me put my phone on its charger. There we go; I’m all ready for bedtime. But wait! I better check my email…